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January 26, 2000
Thanks, Dick!

THE MEATHEAD PERSPECTIVE WOULD LIKE TO THANK
the incomparably awesome

RICHARD PATRICK
for taking the time to point out the fact that
"Trent isn't that cool anymore"


Oh, what a relief it is to finally have the wool pulled away from my eyes, and to finally be able to behold the bright, shining truth. Of course I'm referring to the fact that the band Filter is totally cool, while Trent and his Nine Inch Nails just aren't getting with the program these days. Hell, NIN sounds nothing like Jane's Addiction whatsoever! What's Trent's problem?


His problem is that, well, he's a big meanie. Just look at him! Everybody knows that Trent has an unquenchable desire to beat people up and throw things at them (I think Robin Finck put it best when he said "AAUGH!! MY HAND!!").
When Richard was with NIN about a decade ago, he was constantly subjected to unspeakable cruelty from Trent. Basically, he was the equivalent of one of those Velcro tear-apart dolls used to relieve stress. We should just be thankful that poor Richard got out of there alive.
Since Richard left the band, Trent was forced to make do without his punching bag, and therefore had to relieve more of his stress through music. His distress over Richard's departure (along with some crap about a record label) caused him to release the kinda-cool EP Broken in 1992. Then in 1994 when Trent finally began to realize that maybe Richard wasn't coming back, he released the okay-but-just-a-little-too-creative album The Downward Spiral.
For some reason, in the space between 1994 and now, Trent decided to become a big dork. While everyone else was turning their hats backwards and chaining their wallets to their pants like cool people should, Trent just sat inside and played on his computer. Everyone knows that only dorks sit inside and play with their computers.
While Trent stayed inside like a big loser, Richard put out the incredible, groundbreaking albums Short Bus and Title of Record, which critics are hailing as two of the best albums ever made in the history of music.


Then, in 1999, Trent decided to officially prove his dorkiness by releasing the totally uncool double album The Fragile. He might as well just slick back his hair and put on a pair of thick glasses with duct tape in the middle. In addition, he had the audacity to attack the coolest motherfucker around, Fred Durst.


As you can clearly see by this picture of Richard lying in bed and lighting a cigarette while a prostitute feels him up and the band watches and sports wood, Richard is damn cool. You never see dorky Trent and his band hanging out in hotel rooms with prostitutes, do you?
See, Richard has his priorities straight. He knows the most important thing is to come off as cool. Also, he knows better than to confuse his fans by writing songs with "deep" and/or "complex" meanings. Filter's music uses words that fans can understand and relate to, like "A-OK" and "beer".

Let's face it. If you like Nine Inch Nails, you're dumb. Got it?


NEWS UPDATE!

This picture, showing Leo Herrera (of "What's The Deal With Leo?" fame) actually working, has been added to nin.com. What does this mean? Could Leo be turning from his evil ways? Don't be so sure.

More at eleven.



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