April 5, 2000
Meathead Tells Trent How To Do His Job
The start of the Fragility 2.0 tour is only a few days away (keep your eyes peeled for an EXCLUSIVE Meathead Perspective review of the opening show in Cleveland). Now, I'm sure they intend to put on a good show. But I don't want them to just put on a "good" show, I want them to put on a super-duper show! I want them to put on the kind of show that makes people say "Yeah, I was there that time when Trent did that thing with the prophylactic and the beer bottle."
We can't let NIN start putting on mediocre concerts, so that's why this week I'm going to share my suggestions on how Trent and pals can help ensure that they'll put on the best concert ever.
PFP (Proper "Fuck" Placement) is a very useful attribute to have, especially when you're Trent Reznor. Nothing gets the fans going like unexpectedly inserting the word "fuck" into a song lyric. However, you have to be able to judge what is and isn't a good place to insert your "fuck"s. Fortunately, with the Meathead Perspective here to help you, you can't go wrong!
Here are a few examples to further illustrate PFP.
? Don't substitute "fuck" for key words that will change the meaning of the phrase and cause it to not make any sense.
"No new tale to tell, twenty-six years on my way to fuck" IMPROPER FUCK PLACEMENT
? "Fucking" works wonders as an adjective or adverb, but don't use it too excessively, or else you'll just look silly.
"I'm all alone in this fucking world you must despise"PROPER FUCK PLACEMENT
"Kinda like a fucking cloud I was fucking up way up in the fucking sky..." IMPROPER FUCK PLACEMENT
? Swapping the word "the" with "fuck" doesn't work. Ever.
"Talking to myself all fuck way to fuck station"IMPROPER FUCK PLACEMENT
? You can use "fuck" as a verb substitute, but do it carefully, or else everybody will laugh at you.
"Smiling in their faces, while fucking up the hole"PROPER FUCK PLACEMENT (barely)
"She fucks the minds of all the people as they fuck her by"IMPROPER FUCK PLACEMENT
Well, as Yoda from Star Wars once said, that's all I can help you with, the rest you have to do on your own. Actually, I don't remember Yoda saying that, but either way, I'm gonna stop here and have faith that Trent will use this knowledge to put on a show that's fun for the whole family. If he doesn't, he'll hear from my lawyer.