April 5, 2000
Meathead Tells Trent How To Do His Job

The start of the Fragility 2.0 tour is only a few days away (keep your eyes peeled for an EXCLUSIVE Meathead Perspective review of the opening show in Cleveland). Now, I'm sure they intend to put on a good show. But I don't want them to just put on a "good" show, I want them to put on a super-duper show! I want them to put on the kind of show that makes people say "Yeah, I was there that time when Trent did that thing with the prophylactic and the beer bottle."

We can't let NIN start putting on mediocre concerts, so that's why this week I'm going to share my suggestions on how Trent and pals can help ensure that they'll put on the best concert ever.

If Trent Reznor is known for going in unpredictable directions with his music, shouldn't the same be said for his live performances? Instead of doing the usual, typical NIN-style show, why not try doing a Public Enemy-style show? Sure, okay, Trent's initial reaction to the idea might be "You're out of your fucking mind!", but I'm sure he could bust out the mad rhymes if he really tried (see "Three MC's And One TR"). Besides, the startling resemblance of Charlie Clouser to Flavor-Flav has got to be more than just coincidence...

Let's face it, Trent has a tendency to sometimes fuck up song lyrics in concert ("March of the Pigs" and "Down In It" spring to mind). That's why I think it would be a swell idea to use cue cards during the Fragility 2.0 tour. If David Letterman and Jay Leno use them, what's keeping Trent Reznor from using them? It just seems like the practical thing to do, if you ask me. On the other hand, if you're not asking me, then screw you.

I haven't quite determined why just yet, but Trent seems to enjoy having big pictures of dead things projected behind him for everyone to see during NIN shows. Maybe it's just because dead things look cool. My suggestion, however, is to try out some other ideas, like displaying images from episodes of Mr. Bean and/or Ren & Stimpy (shown here). The wackiness of the "Happy Happy Joy Joy" dance juxtaposed against the pulsing synths of "The Way Out Is Through" would make for a very memorable experience, in my opinion.

Have you ever noticed that at NIN shows there's usually little more than just T-shirts and little "n" necklaces available to buy? Isn't that frustrating? I know I'd like more variety in the selection of NIN items. They could also use this as an opportunity to bring back some totally cool relics from the late 80's/early 90's, like fanny packs, wrist slappers, Pop Rocks?, and ALF?!


PFP (Proper "Fuck" Placement) is a very useful attribute to have, especially when you're Trent Reznor. Nothing gets the fans going like unexpectedly inserting the word "fuck" into a song lyric. However, you have to be able to judge what is and isn't a good place to insert your "fuck"s. Fortunately, with the Meathead Perspective here to help you, you can't go wrong!

Here are a few examples to further illustrate PFP.

? Don't substitute "fuck" for key words that will change the meaning of the phrase and cause it to not make any sense.

"No new tale to tell, twenty-six years on my way to fuck" IMPROPER FUCK PLACEMENT

? "Fucking" works wonders as an adjective or adverb, but don't use it too excessively, or else you'll just look silly.

"I'm all alone in this fucking world you must despise"PROPER FUCK PLACEMENT
"Kinda like a fucking cloud I was fucking up way up in the fucking sky..." IMPROPER FUCK PLACEMENT

? Swapping the word "the" with "fuck" doesn't work. Ever.

"Talking to myself all fuck way to fuck station"IMPROPER FUCK PLACEMENT

? You can use "fuck" as a verb substitute, but do it carefully, or else everybody will laugh at you.

"Smiling in their faces, while fucking up the hole"PROPER FUCK PLACEMENT (barely)

"She fucks the minds of all the people as they fuck her by"IMPROPER FUCK PLACEMENT

Well, as Yoda from Star Wars once said, that's all I can help you with, the rest you have to do on your own. Actually, I don't remember Yoda saying that, but either way, I'm gonna stop here and have faith that Trent will use this knowledge to put on a show that's fun for the whole family. If he doesn't, he'll hear from my lawyer.

Home | Top of Page | Glossary | Contact | The RSS That Feeds