April 26, 2000
I'm On The Other Side

Since Nine Inch Nails started touring again, the NIN Hotline has been receiving a fairly large number of emails from people asking how to get backstage at a concert. Some of these emails have even been directed towards myself, for some odd reason. So, rather than responding to all 46,778 of them, I've decided to waste your time this week by blabbering about how to get backstage and hang out with Nine Inch Nails at any show (although it helps if it's a NIN show).

The most practical way to get backstage without getting your ass kicked by security is to acquire what's known as a "backstage pass," as shown here on the right. When you have a backstage pass, it means you're cooler than everybody else, and you can go anywhere you want without being hassled by the man.

Obviously, the next question is "You fucker, how the hell am I supposed to get a backstage pass?" Since I'm such an authority on the subject, read on and I'll tell you!

Many people seem to think that you can just buy a backstage pass at the venue along with your hot dog and Pepsi. If you are one of these people, you're WRONG! You'll have to find some other way to get your filthy, greasy hands on one. If you're lucky, they might have some sort of contest in which you can win a pass. But unless you work for the press, or you're buddies with the band, or you're exceptionally proficient at certain kinds of "favors", you probably won't get a pass. Blackmail (such as a photograph of Leo Herrera in his underwear) has been known to work in some cases, but that's illegal, and therefore I won't recommend it.

If you're unable to get a real backstage pass, you can always make a fake one. You have to have a pretty good eye to do this, though. Try to make sure everything is spelled right, and that any NIN logos you put on it are official-looking.

Using a fake backstage pass is risky, as it may result in your getting the living daylights beaten out of you. But it's worth a shot, at least!

Of course, some people don't need no stinking passes. If you're rich and famous, you can do any damn thing you want. Being rich is more important, though. The security guards might not know who you are, but if you slip them a couple Benjamin Franklins, they'll even let you go back and beat up Trent Reznor if that's what you want, while they just stand around talking into their microphones and flexing their biceps.

I realize that some people who read the Meathead Perspective aren't rich or famous, but don't worry! There's still hope!

This person here has the right idea. Everyone knows that girls who go to shows naked are up to 68% more likely to go backstage than those who do not. Adversely, however, guys who go to shows naked are up to 97% less likely to go backstage. Imagine that!

Even if going to see NIN in the nude doesn't get you backstage access, you can at least get your picture on That's something you can tell your grandkids about, for sure.

If all else fails, and there's no way you can get backstage, you can still try to get onstage. This is tricky, because you have to jump high enough to clear the barrier as well as the security guys in front. Once you land on the stage, you're in the clear, but you'll have to hurry and grope the bandmembers as quickly as you can before you get beat up and/or shot.

The downside to this technique is that, unlike the other ideas listed here, this carries along with it a 100% chance of you getting your ass kicked, and probably even arrested, as well. I suppose it all depends on what your priorities are.

If by some act of God you actually get backstage using any of these tips, proceed to follow the instructions listed in "Learn Some Manners" in order to not piss any more people off.

I trust that I've answered all of your questions regarding going backstage at a NIN concert. Any more questions asking "How do I get backstage passes?" will be promptly laughed at and deleted. See you next week!

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