April 4, 2002
The Golden Age Of Shut The Fuck Up
Hello my darlings.
I am now closer than ever to finishing my shocking new album, The Purple Age of Pretentiousness. It will be unlike anything you have ever heard, if you've never listened to any of my other albums. I have consumed a lot more since we last met, and I now feel that I am ready to take Christ-dissing and fetuses to a whole new level. In fact, it's so damned good that I think I need to go to Europe to finish it.
I'm glad you are here to embark on this fantastic voyage with me to the only society that matters and that is the society of oneself. I don't really know what that means, but it sure sounds deep and thought-provoking, doesn't it? Maybe I'll put it on a t-shirt.
You will be a part of this (for only $20 or so at your nearest Hot Topic). Soon you will see. It's not what you expect (I'm serious this time). The new album will piss off your parents, save rock and roll, cure AIDS, and have an alluring vanilla fragrance. I'm quite confident that it won't totally blow like my last two albums, although I did intentionally make those albums blow in order to make a point about the current state of humanity. You'll understand once you hear this new record. But if this new record blows, then I intentionally made it that way too, and the next one will be the one that blows everyone's minds.
I'd like to take a moment to dispel the rumors that I've been begging Trent Reznor to produce my new album in a desperate effort to revive my flaccid musical career. Everyone who has been spreading this rumor on my BBS is an asshole. I have been making a list of your screen names, and I will incorporate them into a song on my new album and it will make you all sorry for mocking my artistic vision. Jerks.
About Linkin Park
I have in fact decided to remix Linkin Park, not because I really, really, really need the money, or because I ran out of 80's pop songs to cover, but because I can make any song sound good by making the guitars and drums louder. I seriously think Linkin Park sucks, but please don't tell them that or I might not get paid. Not that I need the money, though. Money doesn't make a difference as long as I'm high on DRUGS.
I am proud of my Resident Evil score, and hope to someday do something similar for a real movie.
About my ART
I sing, thus I can paint, and some of my shocking new paintings will be on display shortly at the Tamara Bane Gallery in Los Angeles in mid-August. I wish someone else hadn't already come up with the idea of painting with feces, though, because that would have really made me look controversial. Oh well. I also just remembered that I was supposed to be writing a novel about my last album, so I'll probably finish that sometime too. Damn, I'm awesome.
I have seen the side effects of my thoughts and I have found there is no cure, so therefore I will use that as an excuse to continue using colored contact lenses, wear more make-up than Christina Aguilera, and use more drugs than the Rolling Stones, Snoop Doggy Dogg and Lou Reed combined. This, in turn, will make society wake up from its ignorance. Christ, I hope so, anyway. Otherwise I'd feel pretty stupid.
This is only the beginning. Soon I will be cool again.
P.S. PLEASE buy my new album!!!