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November 14, 2002
VH-1 Can Perform Degrading Sexual Acts On Me, And Then Go To Hell



Lots of people sent e-mails to The NIN Hotline over the past week or so stating that Trent Ressnor was going to be appearing on a VH-1 program entitled "All Access: Rock's Most Eligible Bachelors." Of course we at the Hotline appreciate that people take enough interest in the site to send in news, but I have to be honest, I could not possibly give any less of a shit about Trent appearing on some retarded VH-1 thing. But the e-mails kept coming in, so I thought, what the hell, I'll go ahead and post something about it on the news and then people will fucking shut up about it. Besides, since SLS News is no longer with us, I figured people have to go somewhere for the lame news stories too. Nanoseconds later, my inbox became polluted with e-mails from people calling me an idiot for posting something like that. Of course I've come to expect that no matter what I do, someone will always be there to whine and complain about it, so I wasn't too surprised by that. All I have to do is say something like "Axl Rose is a pathetic, bloated has-been who should have killed himself years ago," and someone will undoubtedly bitch about it. Oh well.

But then when the time came for VH-1 to air this alleged program with the alleged Trent appearance, it turned out there was no Trent appearance after all. And surprise! My inbox was immediately flooded with more e-mails from more bitchy people calling me an idiot for posting something that wasn't true. I decided to do a little research on the VH-1 site (which, apparently, I'm the only one that knows how to do), and from what I could tell, it looked like the Trent thing would be showing on Wednesday instead. So, being the incredibly nice and considerate guy that I am, I went and edited my news update to reflect this revelation. But then, along came Wednesday, and Trent was again a no-show. And the bitchy e-mails continued. I've already deleted all of them (for now), but here's one that I made up:

From: I.M. Adouchebagg [withnolife@all.org]
To: meathead@theninhotline.net
Subject: YOU LET ME DOWN, HOW DARE YOU, I WISH DEATH UPON YOU
Date: Wed, 13 Nov 2002 18:02:30 -0500

I SAT THROUGH VH1 FOR ELEVEN HOURS AND DID NOT SEE TRENT ON THE TV AT ALL. YOU STUPID BASTARD. I WASTED MY WHOLE DAY JUST TO SEE TRENT ON THE TV. WHY WASN'T TRENT ON THE TV? YOU SAID TRENT WOULD BE ON THE TV!! YOU SHOULD BE SHOT!! I PUT ALL MY FAITH IN YOU, AND THIS IS WHAT YOU DO TO ME?! HOW COULD YOU DESTROY MY TRUST LIKE THAT?! I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING!! WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?! IF YOU WERE A DECENT HUMAN BEING, TRENT WOULD HAVE BEEN ON TV! I'M GOING TO GO CRY NOW BECAUSE I DIDN'T SEE TRENT ON TV WHEN YOU SAID HE WOULD BE, AND LIFE JUST ISN'T WORTH LIVING ANYMORE!!



You see? You see what I have to put up with? I'm not going to apologize for Trent not being on TV. Because, as I said before, I just don't care. However, I am sorry that so many of you people are so goddamned puerile that the fact that Trent wasn't on TV would make you throw a hissy fit and whine to me about it. Life goes on, people. Will VH-1 ever air this thing with Trent on it? Maybe. Does it matter by any stretch of the imagination? No. If you want to see Trent Resnor on your TV that badly, just put in Nine Inch Nails Live: And All That Could Have Been or Closure, and shut the hell up, you whiny little baby.

Anyway, I just thought I'd take a minute to share my thoughts on this matter. For the record, I will no longer be updating the Hotline with any "news" regarding Trent Renzor or Nine Inch Nails appearing on VH-1, MTV or any other Viacom-owned television network. Also, I am fully aware that people will be bitching to me that this wasn't a long enough or funny enough or whatever-enough update. These people can proceed to eat me. Thank you.


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