November 17, 2003
Miscellaneous Grab Bag
With four and a half months now past since the abomination that was the July 4th nin.com update and Trank Rosner's ultra-vague, noncommittal announcement that "things are about to start happening," it shouldn't come as any surprise that the Meathead Perspective updates have been pretty abysmal lately. I mean, more abysmal than usual (although I have to say, that Hank Lohner idea seemed funny at the time, so fuck you). I'd have a good mind to not write anything at all until something happens worth mentioning... a nin.com update, World War III, the return of Christ, whichever comes first, but unfortunately I have this compelling need to repeatedly inundate you all with annoying, stupid shit. Sorry.
While I usually make at least a half-assed attempt to adhere to one specific topic in each update, today I don't really have the luxury of one particular issue to address at length. Instead, I'm just going to ramble aimlessly about the painfully few things that are going on in NIN-Land?. [For maximum enjoyment, commence drinking now]
Trent, Lies and Videotape
I never thought I'd find myself spending over an hour watching Country Music Television, but I did just that on Saturday night, to see the Johnny Cash tribute concert. I read on that one NIN news page (forgot the URL, sorry) that the Rezster was going to make a pre-taped appearance, which seemed strange since Trent has presumably been dead for a while now... why else wouldn't these "things" have started happening yet? I imagined they would simply show a photo of Trent from 1994 (probably that gothed-out black and white one with the fishnets and gloves), while host Tim Robbins read some generic, blah-blah statement rushed in by Trent's publicist. But what I saw instead was shocking: they actually went through the trouble to create a fully animated CGI-rendered Trent, which must have cost quite a chunk of money. Unfortunately they didn't get the hair to look quite right, but they never really do with CGI. While I'm impressed by the lengths Nothing is going to in order to sustain the illusion that Trent is still alive, I wish they would just give it up already. They're not really fooling anybody.
After listening to what the faux Reznor had to say, we got to listen to Sheryl "All I Wanna Do Is Have Some Fun" Crow cover Johnny Cash's cover of "Hurt". I can only assume that Reznor and Cash were spinning in their graves in opposite directions, because otherwise the earth would have probably veered out of its orbit. Now, I admit, I don't actively hate Sheryl Crow or her music. I don't care enough about her to hate her; he's just someone I prefer to ignore. And she's certainly not someone I ever in a million years imagined I'd see performing a Nine Inch Nails song on national television. What's next, Jewel covering "Ruiner"? Simon and Garfunkel harmonizing their way through "Somewhat Damaged"? I just hope the embarrassment Crow undoubtedly felt when she totally botched the last verse of the song comes close to that of the millions of NIN fans that sat through that train wreck, mouths agape, their minds unable to process the information that their eyes and ears were receiving. Although, it could have been worse, I guess. Kid Rock was there.
Nine Inch Nails Is Danny Lohner
Judging by what we can gather from the media, it would seem that the only one who openly admits to having anything to do with Nine Inch Nails anymore is Daniel P. Lohner, a.k.a. "Danny Lohner" (pictured at left, obviously high on life). Apparently Danny drops by Trent's studio regularly to feed the dogs and water the plants, and every so often goes through the stuff Trent recorded prior to his untimely death and picks out bits and pieces he likes. Eventually, when Danny gets around to compiling enough of this junk to have something resembling an album, he'll log on to AOL and update nin.com to tell everyone it's finished. Then he'll burn CD-R's for anyone who wants a copy (he should only really need to buy a pack of 50 or so). Since Danny is the only one who cares enough about the album to do any work on it, this will probably take a while. But we should be thankful that someone is making some sort of effort to get the album done. If you run into Danny on the street sometime -- and you will, since he's every-goddamn-where lately -- be sure and thank him.
Access This, Bitch
It's been brought to my attention (a while ago, actually) that the backgrounds of the nin.com access boards have been slowly fading out, as part of nin.com's ongoing quest to be as boring and useless as possible. The beauty of this, however, is that the backgrounds have faded to match the color of the text, making it extremely difficult to read. Anything that makes that nauseating, mindless drivel harder to read gets a thumbs-up in my book. Now, on to Step 2: DELETE. Oh, and Step 3: Find and neuter the people who posted there so they won't breed, and then burn their computers. I've spent a little time here and there lurking on that tragic excuse for a message board, and the predominant question on the minds of its users seemed to be: "Why are they doing this?" The predominant question on my mind is: "Why in the hell didn't they do this a long time ago?" Fuckers.