November 25, 2003
News Ahoy!

I've been far too busy playing Wario Ware to notice, but it seems that Danny Lohner and his Nine Inch Nails have been up to something lately. As any rational person would, I'd just assumed that since Trent Rezzington was tragically mauled to death by an angry gang of wild macaques while on safari deep in the Colombian rainforest with Leo Herrera, it would be quite a while before we got any more word about the new NIN record. But Danny must have been quite busy working in Trent's überstudio in addition to attending lavish parties with hot supermodels, because the word has arrived.

Some have suggested to me that perhaps Trent is alive after all. Wishful thinking, I guess. First of all, even if Trent somehow managed to escape the wrath of the macaques, which would be highly unlikely, he would still be a prime target for the guerillas that occupy the politically unstable region. But let's just say, for the hell of it, that Trent somehow averted death at the hands of enraged monkeys and terrorists, and that Leo didn't sell him to a group of narcotics traffickers in exchange for 20 kilos of cocaine. Or if you want to get really crazy, why not even speculate that Trent was never anywhere in South America in the first place. Well... actually, now that I think about it, maybe that's not such a crazy theory after all. That would certainly explain how Trent was quoted in the new issue of Alternative Press magazine.

According to AP, the new Nine Inch Nails record, BLEEDTHROUGH, is due out "soon." "Soon" is actually printed in quotes in the article, which would imply that the word emerged directly from Trent's vocal cords, which would imply that it may possibly be in stores by Fall 2026.

The public's reaction to BLEEDTHROUGH's title has been mixed. While some fans love it because it sounds "goth" and "angsty," others hate it because they feel it sounds "goth" and "angsty." Of course, since no one has actually heard it yet (not even Trent), no one really understands the context in which the word "BLEEDTHROUGH" is used. It's unlikely that it has anything to do with actual blood. The last thing I want to do is encourage that notion here on the Meathead Perspective. Perhaps "BLEEDTHROUGH" might refer to sound "bleeding" through from one side of a surface to another, kind of like how that asshole Steve next door keeps blaring his David Lee Roth records at 4 in the fucking morning. That's probably also wrong, though. Maybe it's about how when you draw a NIN logo on a thin piece of paper with a felt-tip marker, it bleeds through to the other side and you end up, as if by magic, with two NIN logos! Holy crap! Yeah, that's probably what BLEEDTHROUGH is about. I just don't want it to be about maxi pads. Please. If you must write songs about feminine hygiene products, Trent, just write about how much of a douche Richard Patrick is.

The motherfucking AP article also mentions a few song titles from BLEEDTHROUGH (I'll address these individually in a moment). Unlike the reaction to the album title, the public reaction to these song titles was about as mixed as [--note to self: don't forget to insert clever analogy here later--]. The general consensus was that they "sucked." Now, I don't mean to insult El Rezzo or question his judgment (when have I ever?) but I will agree that the titles do leave a weird taste in my mouth. I probably shouldn't be sticking them in there in the first place, but we'll address that in a later update. In the meantime, let's take a closer look at these bad boys:

Everyday Is Exactly The Same
I've yet to determine if this glaring grammatical catastrophe is the fault of Trent or the magazine, but seeing as how AP has already shown a severe lapse of reason by insinuating that Good Charlotte matters, let's just give Trent the benefit of the doubt for right now. I'm guessing that this song was written from his fans' point of view, checking every day for the past year in hopes of seeing anything interesting. Here's what I assume the lyrics will be:

staring at my screen
in empty disbelief
all my hopes for an update
replaced by crushing grief
all i ever wanted
was some news to end the pain
but trent, that fucking sadist
makes every day the same

is this how they really feel?
have i caused them this much woe?
let me ask my magic 8 ball
hope it says the answer's "no"

i feel like such an ass for making
my fans wait for so long
but it's hard to start creating
when i have a broken bong.

lyrics by t. reznor. ©2003 leaving hope / tvt music ascap.

My Dead Friend
For some reason, this title evokes the image of a crayon drawing you'd see a mentally-disturbed kid draw in one of those psychological thrillers, of a dead stick figure with X's for eyes lying horizontally in a crudely drawn hole in the ground, while another frowning stick figure stands beside it, crying disproportionately large blue tears. With "By Trenty, age 5" scrawled in the corner, and stuck to Mike Reznor's refrigerator by one magnet in the shape of a rainbow with a pot of gold and another that says "Pennsylvania Is For Lovers." Maybe he drew it with markers instead, and it bled through to the other side. And then he got his butt whipped for getting ink all over the dinner table. And behold, the inspiration for this song was born. Again, I might be wrong on this, but I doubt it.

The Line Begins To Blur
I'm not sure when exactly Trent decided that using entire sentences as song titles was cool, but I'm guessing it was probably at around 8:42 a.m. on June 12, 1998. Imagine if he'd used this reasoning when making The Downward Spiral. The tracklisting would have probably been more like this:

1. I Am Mister Self Destruct, And I Control You
2. Hey Pig Piggy Pig Pig Pig (Yeah You)
3. God Is Dead, And No One Cares
4. Step Right Up!
5. I Want To Fuck You Like An Animal (Figuratively)
6. The Ruiner's A Collector, Infector, Etc.
7. It Won't Give Up; It Wants Me Dead; Goddamn This Noise Inside My Head
8. I Do Not Want This
9. I Have A Really Big Penis And/Or Gun
10. This Is An Homage To David Bowie, Honest
11. Kill Me, Please
12. She Spreads Herself Wide Open (Stupid Whore)
13. He Couldn't Believe How Easy It Was; He Put The Gun Into His Face (Bang); So Much Blood For Such A Tiny Little Hole; Problems Do Have Solutions, You Know; A Lifetime Of Fucking Things Up Fixed In One Determined Flash; Everything's Blue In This World; The Deepest Shade Of Mushroom Blue; All Fuzzy, Spilling Out Of My Head
14. I Wear This Crown Of Shit, And Possibly Thorns As Well

Fortunately, even though the AP article was only about a paragraph long (have I mentioned that I don't particularly care for Good Charlotte?), it apparently served as the impetus to cause to finally do something other than fade or shift for the first time in over a year. This morning we were graced with the following completely non-functional image:

There's been rampant speculation on the World Wide Web about what the image might be, but it's fairly obvious that Trent thought it would be funny to scan a pair of his skidmarked tighty-whities and have the webmaster adjust the contrast of the image to make it look dark and ninlike. I don't know what Trent's been eating, but perhaps eating less of it might not be a bad idea.

Anyway, we can only hope that, unlike the July 4th travesty, this update will be followed with other updates that warrant being talked about. We can also hope that someone runs over Good Charlotte with a tractor. Happy Thanksgiving!


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