January 19, 2004
That's Crazy!

Hello, friends. First of all I'd like to apologize for the last update. That is, I'm sorry it was so awesome. I considered making it even better by adding a "Down In It" midi to play in the background, but a) I couldn't find any, and b) I didn't actually look for one. Maybe next time. And judging by the way things are looking, there will be a next time. Oh yes.

Today I would like to type about something that's been plaguing my in-box as of late. I'd be going through my perfectly acceptable penis-enlargement emails (I really wish I got more of those, by the way), when I would come across an email from somebody saying "HEY I HERD THIS AND/OR THAT ABOUT TRNET REZNZNORE IZ THIS TRU???" As has been the case in the past, any time Trnet Reznznore is out of the spotlight for a few millenia, people start speculating the stupidest things. Like, for instance, the ridiculous rumor that he is actually alive dead. Come on, seriously! Let's take a minute and look at a few examples of the things these people have been suggesting lately.

Trent Rezznor lost his mind and closed Nothing Records for good.
Just because Nothing has released.. well, nothing, in two years (unless you count Manson's latest album as "something"), people want to jump to the conclusion that that means Nothing is shut down. I don't think that's very fair to assume something like that so quickly. Now when January 2005 rolls around and they still haven't put out anything, then yeah, they're probably out of business. Oh well, shit happens. As for El Rezzo losing his mind, that's a foregone conclusion, as evidenced by "Deep". Zing!

I met Trent and he said BLEEDTHROUGH will be out in three months.
Wow, he really said that, huh? Well you can't argue with that! Oh wait, yeah you can. Allow me to retort:

"Tapeworm is a collaborative project. I promise by mid-2000 it will be out. I believe in my band and respect those guys. And you'll see."
-T.Rizzle, Dec. 1999

Sorry, but the truth is that the guy lies a lot, mostly because he hates his fans and wants them all to die. He only told you three months so you would leave him alone. If he had told you when it's really going to be released (September 4, 2012), you probably would have stabbed him. Admit it, you would have.

As a rule, the best thing to say when you spot El Rezzo in person and feel the insatiable urge to annoy him is not "When is the new album coming out?" Instead, tell him you already downloaded it and that it sucks. Then again, if he happens to be on stage when you spot him, then I'd recommend not saying anything at all since he probably won't hear you, and the album is probably already out anyway. Idiot.

Trent hasn't even started on BLEEDTHROUGH yet because he's been too busy playing video games.
This, again, is incorrect. He's not fucking off in there. Trent has kept BLEEDTHROUGH at the very top of his priority list for the past four years, and has been working on it every day, 14 hours a day. When it comes out "soon" (on September 4, 2012) it will be 418 tracks long, on 37 discs, with no filler whatsoever. You'll see.

Trent can fly!
Not true. I did some research into the origins of this rumor, and I believe it originated from the song "Somewhat Damaged", specifically the line "flew too high and burnt the wing." This line is meant to be metaphorical for something or other, and refers to the ancient story of Daedalus and Icarus. I even took the liberty of calling Nothing Studios, and the receptionist assured me that Trent, being a physiologically normal human being, lacks the capability for flight. At least that's what I thought she said, it was hard to hear her over the loud demolition equipment in the background. I think it's safe to say, though, that if Trent could fly, the first thing he would do is go around looking for fans to shit on.

Nine Inch Nails will be performing at [insert name of venue here] soon.
Seeing as how BLEEDTHROUGH won't be released until September 4, 2012, and that Trent "Impeccable Work Ethic" Rezznor has been devoting every waking moment to slaving away on the album, it seems highly unlikely that the Rezz and his nonexistent band would be performing anywhere anytime in the remotely near future. Besides, according to an inside source, he sold all of his touring equipment (including Leo) a while ago, in order to purchase a lifetime's supply of KY jelly and Klondike bars (I didn't bother to ask why). But rest assured, once NIN gets around to touring again, it'll definitely be about $40 per ticket.

Trent is married, has six kids, and drives a minivan.
Lies, lies, lies. Trent is married to his work. He doesn't have time to deal with other human beings, much less some woman nagging him to do the dishes and trim his nose hairs. Since he's a rock star, of course he's sired numerous illegitimate children. That goes without saying. But he doesn't take care of them, in fact he's probably never even seen them. So for all intents and purposes, he doesn't have kids. As for the minivan... well, okay, technically that's true, but he only drives it when he goes to the grocery store. And that soccer bumper sticker was already on there when he bought it. Okay? Now drop it.

That's about all the rumors I can stomach for now. In the meantime, someone who emailed me a while ago and I forget their name suggested that I bring back the "Ask Meathead" page for some reason. Well, the "Ask Meathead" page has never really gone anywhere, it just hasn't been updated in several years. But I guess I'll go ahead and point it out for those who may be unaware of its existence. The "Ask Meathead" page exists. There. Now if anyone has any non-stupid questions to ask about anything pertaining to Nine Inch Nails, I'll be happy to maybe think about making a half-assed attempt at answering them. No guarantees, though.

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