February 26, 2004
Instrumentals Are For Pussies
So I downloaded the new Nine Inch Nails album last night. It was fucking Raw and Brutal as shit. Totally worth the wait. Way to go, Trent! Oh, wait a minute, that was Error, nevermind. Sorry.
But there is some actual NIN news! Sort of. And since there's actually something kind of worth talking about for the first time in months, I have to drop everything else I'm doing so I can pick it apart and try desperately to make some kind of funny-ish comments about it, because that's what the Lord has put me on this earth to do. And you don't say no to the Lord. Believe me, I've tried.
The new record, which now for some bizarre reason seems to be titled BLEED THROUGH instead of BLEEDTHROUGH, is supposedly on the way. That is, if you consider a tentative fall 2004 release (which will inevitably get pushed back to 2009) "on the way." And if that is the case, you're weird.
The late Trent Reznor, who I assume was being channeled through a psychic medium not unlike Whoopi Goldberg in the movie Ghost, spoke to Rolling Stone magazine recently about BLEED THROUGH, and delivered unto us the some informational nuggets about this possibly-existing musical work. Needless to say, the "NIN-ternet" has been quite abuzz with speculation with just how full of shit Trent may be. The probably-false things the article mentioned included the following:
there will be 12 tracks
there will be no instrumentals
the music will be the aural equivalent of being repeatedly punched in the face by trent reznor
a tour previewing the new material is planned within the next few months
trent reznor doesn't like shitty music
Unfortunately, El Rezzo didn't talk about any of the following topics:
when, if ever, a visit to nin.com will not be a total fucking waste of time
exactly how many tracks on BLEED THROUGH are phil collins covers
what's with the hair
his best time on metroid: zero mission
what kind of sandwich he would be if he were somehow given the opportunity to be one
I imagine these pressing issues will be addressed in the next obligatory BLEED THROUGH article in three months or so. Boy, I sure hope so!
Like most people, the first thing I did after purchasing my totally awesome George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine was to grill my copy of The Fragile in an attempt to reduce all the unnecessary fatty filler (such as "Starfuckers, Inc") and end up with a nice, healthy, lean record. Unfortunately, the results were not quite as I had planned, and the guys from the fire department seemed to think I was some kind of idiot. The good news is that we won't have the same problem this time. BLEED THROUGH is allegedly going to be 12 tracks of in-your-face rock and roll music with no filler or instrumentals at all. After five years of waiting, I would certainly hope there's no filler with only 12 tracks. That would be pretty annoying. But what will this alleged music allegedly sound like, assuming reality as we know it becomes negated and BLEED THROUGH actually gets released in this lifetime? According to Reznor (like he'd know), it's going to be really simple. But in a complicated way. And it's going to be really loud and harsh and BRUTAL, but stripped down. And it's going to be a concept album about something or other (I'm guessing blurry dead people, but we'll see). It looks like it's going to be a real departure from that Tom Waits on a bayou filtered through a funk blender and slowed down sound, or whatever. Hopefully one of these days we'll get a description from him when he's not in the middle of pulling bong hits.
No instrumentals? No instrumentals?! That's right. No instrumentals. I guess. I know a lot of you are probably bothered by this, and I understand. NIN's instrumentals are widely enjoyed because they showcase Trent's superior musical abilities, they express moods and feelings in ways that words can't quite accomplish, and, more importantly, they provide a break from all that goddamned whining. But let's all just try to suppress that overpowering sense of foreboding and remember that Trent would never let us down. Well, except for all those months/years that go by with little to no word on any new music. Oh, and that Lost Weekend thing. And "Deep". But other than that... yeah. Let's move on.
Probably the most noteworthy thing about this new article is the mention of an actual fucking tour. That's right, NIN is going to tour for BLEED THROUGH this spring, before BLEED THROUGH even gets released! Since I'm a cynical bastard, normally I'd just laugh at the Rolling Stone article, as I print it out from my computer so I can then wipe my ass with it. But I didn't, because it just so happens that I got the inside scoop on the tour dates, because I'm hot shit! I was informed that I'd be beaten and shot if I posted them here on the Meathead Perspective, but since when has Nothing Records ever followed through on a promise? Here's the official info:*
*This isn't really real. It's just a fake press release I made because I was bored. Up yours.
NOT TO BE RELEASED, EVER
(EVEN THOUGH THAT COMPLETELY DEFEATS THE POINT OF A PRESS RELEASE)
NINE INCH NAILS ANNOUNCE U.S. TOUR ? "BLEEDTHROUGHITY BETA VERSION (BUILD 46A)":
FIRST U.S. PERFORMANCES IN SUPPORT OF THE NOT-YET-CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED "BLEED THROUGH":
NINE INCH NAILS RETURN TO SHITHOLE VENUES FRESH FROM DOING JACK SQUAT IN NEW ORLEANS AND LOS ANGELES:
February 25, 2004, Los Angeles, CA ? nine inch nails announce today their U.S. tour "Bleedthroughity Beta Version (Build 46A)" beginning May 12 in Tempe, AZ at Miguel's Taco Shack. With "Bleedthroughity Beta Version (Build 46A)", nine inch nails - who redefined live performance in the 90?s, and haven't done a damn thing since - return to U.S. venues for the first time in 4 years, fresh from sitting around and doing nothing but playing video games and watching porn every single day. This tour will be the first time U.S. fans can see nine inch nails perform music from their perpetually-unfinished CD, "BLEED THROUGH."
A half-assed two week tour, "Bleedthroughity Beta Version (Build 46A)" will cover approximately 10 dates. The first nine dates are being announced today. The mysterious tenth date and the full itinerary will be announced whenever we feel like it. On-sale dates in each market will also be announced whenever we feel like it.
nine inch nails live is Trent Reznor (vocals, guitar, butt plug), Danny Lohner (bass, guitar, harmonica, tamborine), Atticus Ross (beer, chicks), and Jerome Dillon (whatever Trent tells him to play).
Released only in parallel universes, "BLEED THROUGH" entered the BILLBOARD charts at #1 in Trent's dreams. Pissing off fans and critics alike, the CD's absence has been certified super-annoying. USA TODAY named the CD "Probably Pretty Cool" and SPIN magazine named "BLEED THROUGH" "Trent Reznor's greatest nonexistent accomplishment." MEATHEAD, among others named "BLEED THROUGH" as a CD he'd probably consider buying if he ever came across a copy in the bargain bin at FYE.
The announced tour dates are as follows:
May 12, 2004 - Miguel's Taco Shack : Tempe, AZ
May 13, 2004 - Costco parking lot (until the cops show up) : Nacogdoches, TX
May 14, 2004 - VFW #4841 : San Antonio, TX
May 17, 2004 - Trent's house (bring beer and birthday presents) : New Orleans, LA
May 19, 2004 - Southland Mall Food Court : Memphis, TN
May 20, 2004 - Cole's Retirement Home : Richmond, VA
May 22, 2004 - Frederick High School Gymnasium : Frederick, MD
May 23, 2004 - Parkway Shopping Center : Allentown, PA
May 24, 2004 - Trent's dad's house (don't tell) : Volant, PA
Gosh, this sure is an exciting time to be a fan of Nine Inch Nails! Next thing you know, we might have an official confirmation of a possible announcement of a tentative release date for a real press release announcing the announcement of a tentative release date for the first single! Probably not, but maybe! And you can bet that the Meathead Perspective will probably be following these hot new developments each step of the way, as Trent combats the shitty music! Assuming I haven't died of some old person disease by then, that is.