October 13, 2004
Holy Crap, It's October. Again.
Hello, friends and people who want me dead. You're probably wondering why I haven't updated in almost a month. Either that, or you're wondering why I bothered to start again now. Or perhaps "what are these strange symbols on my screen, and why are they organized into neat horizontal rows?"
Well, let me put it this way. If you're genuinely wondering why I haven't updated lately, you are retarded. I don't mean that as an insult, I'm just saying that you have a severe mental deficiency and should probably not be using a computer without careful supervision so you do not pry the keys off the keyboard and eat them. But for those people, here's the basic reason: THERE'S NOTHING TO FUCKING WRITE ABOUT. Period.
I've received a few emails from people with suggestions for things to write about, and they were all horrible. Again, I'm not trying to be mean. But they were fucking awful. As in, worse than the time I wrote about sandwiches. I appreciate the gesture, but I'd really rather not write about anything at all, in the faint hopes of retaining some tiny shred of integrity that this website might have somehow inadvertently accumulated over the past five years.
I'm going to confess something that might come as a mind-crushing shock to some of you. Ready? I don't really care about Nine Inch Nails right now. All right, calm down. Put that away. Let me explain. I don't care about Nine Inch Nails in the same sense that I don't care what I'll be having for lunch on March 27, 2018. When that day arrives, assuming I haven't been mauled to death by babboons yet, then I will care what I'm having for lunch, because I'll probably be pretty hungry. Once lunch time on March 27, 2018 rolls around, the subject of what I'm having for lunch on March 27, 2018 will become a very high priority. I hope cows aren't extinct by then. Anyway, with this shitty analogy you can hopefully understand why NIN is not a high priority for me at this time, nor, subsequently, is The Meathead Perspective. When the new NIN record is released on March 27, 2018, I'm sure I will care again, although whether I will care more about it than my lunch remains to be seen. As staggeringly difficult as it may be to comprehend, I do have better things to do than write page after page about some dude who may or may not even exist.
Since writing this column lately has been about as fun and worthwhile as passing rusty garden tools through my colon, I've been considering just calling it quits. Do you really understand how much of a colossal pain in the ass it's been keeping this page going and trying to keep people interested and entertained for over 2? freakin' years since the last NIN release? Do you think I'm not one hundred percent aware how depressingly un-funny a lot of this shit has been during that time? But then I remembered those days back in the late 20th century when it was more fun than intestinal distress, and I couldn't help thinking that maybe, someday, possibly on March 27, 2018, those days (or rather, days similar to them) would return. And who knows, maybe something funny would actually turn up for the first time since the Clinton administration.
It's been almost a month since the last update, and it'll probably be even longer before the next one. But I just thought the five of you who still read this page regularly might like a heads up. I'm sure things will pick up again at some point, but goddamn it, I have plenty of non-NIN-related shit I could be working on in the meantime. I'm officially on hiatus, so leave me alone.
Meat Head :)