April 22, 2005
Pictures Of You
Hi! I know it's been a while since my last update, but I've been away hunting wild rainbow trout in the Rocky Mountains for the past couple weeks. I would have let you guys know in advance, but it was kind of a spur of the moment thing. But I'm back now, so CALM THE FUCK DOWN.
I get a lot of emails from people asking things like "Why don't you update your blog more?", "Who is your favorite Canadian Prime Minister?" and "How can you be so skinny and live so phat?" But another question I get frequently is "Hey Meathead, am I an idiot?" This is a very good question! I've given this quite a bit of thought, and I've come up with a disgustingly simple way to accurately determine if you, the reader, are a goddamned idiot.
Take a look at the picture here on the left. In case you didn't already know, this photo of our Goth Rock Messiah appears inside the CD case for the upcoming album [AWITH_ATEETHA]. Now what I want you to do is to examine the thoughts going through your oatmeal-like brain when confronted with the fact that there is a photo of Trent Renzor inside the CD case. How does it make you feel? Choose from the responses below:
A) Hey look, it's that guy.
B) WTF MAN THATS SO FUCKED UP I'M SO PISSED OFF!!! TRENT SOLD OUT BY PUTTING HIS LIKENESS IN HIS ALBUM ARTWORK!!! I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABORTED!!!
C) There r legos in my poop lol.
If you chose Response A, then there's a reasonable possibility that you might not be a goddamned idiot! Please feel free to continue breathing. If you chose Response B, we need to talk. Meet me in the next paragraph. If you chose Response C, you're probably retarded, but the fact that you didn't choose Response B means your cognitive faculties are at least functioning on some level. Or maybe you simply suffer from acute OCD and feel compelled to always choose C in multiple choice scenarios. Either way, congratulations!
Now, back to those of you who chose B. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you are goddamned idiots. It appears that the idiocy is in its advanced stages, and chances of recovery are extremely slim. But let me at least try to explain to you how I came to this diagnosis.
See, here's the thing. Aside from the U.S. "Head Like A Hole" single (which, in my opinion, was the finest album cover in the history of album covers), Trent has never had his picture on the cover of any NIN release. This time is no different. However, this is certainly not the first time his picture has been used inside the cover. Haven't you people ever looked inside the little booklets that come with your CD's? Obviously not! Turns out, every one of NIN's major albums have had El Rezzo's image in there somewhere. Take a look:
See? They're right fucking there! What in the fuck are you people bitching about? Are you worried that the ink from the picture will bleed through (L.M.A.O.) onto the CD and somehow impair the sound quality? If so, perhaps you should carefully remove the CD from the case and place it in a plastic sandwich bag so as to protect it from the evil dyes emanating from Trent's face. Oooo, look out, they're gonna get you! Then, once you've put your CD away in a safe place, you should go into the woods and be eaten by bears.
I know, maybe you're bothered by the fact that Trent's hands are a little more wrinkly now than they have been in the past. You don't want to be faced with a haunting reminder of the unceasing march of time every time you open the CD case. But you're just going to have to deal with the fact that the guy is 60 years old now, and having wrinkly hands comes with the territory. Maybe they wouldn't be so wrinkly if Trent hadn't spent so much time
Seriously, people, there is a new album coming out in a little over a week which, so I've been told, kicks mass quantites of ass. Trent has clearly been going out of his way to prove that I was wrong about him being dead that one time (I still maintain that Ricky Skaggs is God, however). But apparently some people now feel that they have seen too much of the guy. Heaven forbid Trent use his picture for once in lieu of a dead bug or out-of-focus flower or some shit. Oh no! We don't like this new "confident" Trent Reznor! Go back to lurking in the shadows and singing about decay and isolation! To paraphrase countless emails I've gotten over the years, you people make me embarrassed to be a fan.