September 12, 2005
The Internet Is The Sucks
I'm not sure when the exact moment was in which I realized how stupid the internet is. Was it when I discovered that website full of tentacle rape Hentai starring the cast of Family Ties? Maybe it was that time those Nigerians emptied out my bank account and killed my entire family. Or perhaps it was when I learned what a furry is. Who knows. All that matters, though, is that the Internet is a rancid, steaming pile of retardation, the stench of which I imagine must be wafting all the way up to the heavens, and into the nostrils of God Himself. No wonder He hates us.
One of the worst areas of the Internet, however, is the one affectionately known as the "Ninternet," a very clever play on words combining the word "Internet" with the acronym "NIN", which in this instance stands for "Nine Inch Nails," that one band that was popular ten years ago. I've commented on various aspects of the Ninternet on several occasions in the past, but I believe its sustained, seemingly endless depths of idiocy warrant another visit.
It seems that every single time Trent Reznor does something (which, amazingly, has been more than zero times this year), the moron activity on the Ninternet surges into the red. Kind of like this:
Thursday: Trent goes to the post office
OMG HEY WTF IS TERNT DOING AT TEH POST OFFICE WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!?!?! IS HE A TERARIST?!?!?!?!?! WHY IS HE WEARING A BLUE SHIRT?!?!?!?! WHERES HIS DOG??!!?!?!??!?! IS THE TOUR CANCELED NOW?!?!?!?!?!?!?! SHUT UP NO U SHUT UP NO U SHUT UP ASS HOLE
Hey, here's an example! Trent performed "Hurt" at a televised benefit concert this past weekend, and also busted out an unannounced brand new non-album song. Seeing as how this happens, well, never, it goes without saying that the Ninternet went absolutely batshit crazy as a result. Leave it to a one-two punch of Trent Reznor and a natural disaster to bring all the morons out of the woodwork. The day after this benefit concert went down, I figured maybe it would be safe enough to check in at http://www.echoingthesound.org/phpbbx/ and see the reaction so far. Sure enough, I immediately found myself rubbernecking through this train wreck of a thread. It contains many profoundly insightful thoughts, such as these:
...so if this thing is supposed to go past midnight, how long do I have to put up with crap like Green Day before mr. reznor comes on??????... and I BETTER NOT have to sit through coldplay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wait did i hear it wrong, i thought he said "crown of fuzz"
wow, am i losing it
All acts were asked to perform two songs - one to be aired and the other to be streamed somewhere for something or rather. The decision to use the lyric "thorns" instead of "shit" was Trent's.
i can almost feel the spit flying out of his mouth when he says 'my emPIRE of dirt' haha good stuff.
No one knew it was happening. There were only rumours about it being a potential performance - rumours that were only confirmed pretty much after it had already been recorded. Thus is the nature of Trent Reznor, and pretty much the whole disaster.
what the fuck
when did trent get all big
Etc., etc. I still don't know what possessed me to wade through all 47 pages of that monstrosity when I could have spent that time looking at something more worthwhile, like Al Roker's colonoscopy footage. I wasn't even high, either. Much like colorectal cancer, the thread progressed through several stages, starting with "Will Trent be performing on TV?", moving through several pages of "Did Trent play yet?", and culminating in an intellectually stimulating conversation about mp3 bitrates.
It so happens that I'm one of the select few who have been chosen to act as a moderator on this particular Internet message board, probably due to my exceptionally large genitals. Unfortunately, moderating echoingthesound is comparable to trying to fight off a termite infestation with a ball peen hammer. Shut down one discussion about Trent's sperm count, and fifteen discussions about Jeordie White pop up. I just can't win. Maybe if Trent would quit doing things and appearing on TV, my job would be easier. HINT HINT.
Hey, while we're on the subject, let's take a look at some of the other topics that have been under debate lately in the good ol' Nine Inch Nails forum!
IF YOU COULD GIVE TRENT ONE PIECE OF ADVICE.... WHAT WOULD YOU TELL HIM?
telly j j:
hurry up and release the Closure DVD!!!!
Never do waht you think you should. Do what you want. although concision, is cool.
Make Fragile but With Teeth album
Sex in Song: Which NIN songs turn you on the most?
I offer this, ever since opening with teeth, The Line Begins to Blur seems to echo in my head during moments of passion with my husband.
24 Mila Baci:
"The Downward Spiral" (despite being about suicide, his spoken word vocals are hot in a phone sex with a psycho kinda way).
Suck<3 yeah I didn't know that was on Broken which I've had for awhile now HA I wondered for awhile what the hell album this song is on...well I found out.mwuahahaha I listened to it in the shower.... and well......
One popular topic that shows no signs of ever going away is LYRIC INTERPRETATION. On my Top 10 list of most unpleasant imaginable situations, which I keep posted on my refrigerator, reading people's interpretations of NIN lyrics ranks just below being trampled by water buffalo and fellating Wilford Brimley. Let's face it, when it comes to Trent's lyrical abilities, the word "virtuoso" isn't the first to spring to mind. But the guy works within his limitations, and more than makes up for any shortcomings with his unique musical style, compelling stage presence and big, rippling muscles.
Since it's been established that Trent doesn't exactly pose a threat to Bob Dylan in the lyrics department (although I'd say the fact that he's yet to appear in a Victoria's Secret commercial evens things out a bit), it's always fun when people attempt to derive poignant, multi-layered meanings in Nine Inch Nails songs. And by "fun," of course I mean "not fun in any way whatsoever." Roughly 8.6 picoseconds after the brand new song "Non-Entity" went online, some eager beaver jumped on echoingthesound to crap out a thesis on the meaning behind the lyrics, apparently unaware that Trent actually wrote the song in the car on the way to the benefit. Just for shits and giggles, try reading the following post in the voice of Thurston Howell III from Gilligan's Island.
My interpretation of the lyrics:
"The sky is not the same shade of blue
Every single thing I believe isn't true"
- calm before the storm, the hurricane itself, or the realization that one's world is a lot different, and where one fits as a member of society.
"Missing in a maze of monochrome"
- the shock of disaster, the ignorance of the human cost amongst the black and white of the situation, both in the issues and in terms of race and social class.
"How did I get here? How can I go home?"
-After all the social progress of the United States, how can there be such a regression? How can infrastructure fail people of all races (though mostly black)? How can one return to the idea of "home" in America? What is America now that this storm has shaken it to the core of its values which end up being nothing more than flimsy ideals with no practical application.
"The echoes in my eyes
Of all they used to see
Burning down the world
the ashes and debris
and all thats left of me
-It's hard not to interpret this racially, but I believe Trent may be speaking about slave owners and what black people's ancestors went through is now coming to pass- it was merely hiding below the surface of the U.S. administration. Instead of being tortured and lynched, they are left to die as their homes burn down. Inaction to help is sometimes worse than action to harm. There is another way to interpret it other than racially, in that ever since the South lost in the civil war, they have constantly paid the price. They are poorer than the North, and some could argue there is still a North versus South discrimination or divide in the consciousness of American society. As such, people of all races in the south face discrimination from those in the North, and hence why the adminstration wasn't quick to act. Many plantations were burnt down during the civil war, and many atrocities committed by American people were against their very own people.
"Tried to stand in line
Tried to obey
The ghosts of what I was
Keep getting in the way"
-The idea of the black person/African American OR a poor southerner of any race was manifested in the discrimination and resulting inaction by the U.S. administration. This could also be interpreted as the betrayal of black gangs looting and roaming the streets against their own people, and this image coming out to portray all black people as part of marauding gangs. The decent people always end up losing out to the criminals.
Staring at the sun
blinded by the light
Now I'm afraid I'm fading out of site
-"the light" being the illumination of the social injustice and one's place as an ignored demographic. The sun is an enemy of the people who are near dehydration, or this could represent the government- a life giving force. This is a very intelligent part of the song because it equates or is a metaphor for dying, and dying/disappearing as a demographic or person in absolute need. They will continually be ignored, and the adminstration and media will let this fade out of site just like the war.
The Echoes in my eyes
Of all they used to see
Burning down the world
The ashes and Debris
And all thats left of you
And all thats left of me
All have washed away
-Just like the previous chorus, only now we get to the literal metaphor for the storm and washed away homes and a washing away of people's identities as American citizens in need. They will be ignored. Even if home is rebuilt, its merely a physical housing- one's perception of "home" will never be the same after the illumination of how the government responds to you. All people are not created equal.
But this is by no means the first instance of this. Exactly the same thing happened once [AWITHA_TEETHA] leaked into the Internet earlier this year. Pretty much every single song Trent has ever written -- and a few he hasn't -- has been picked apart by overzealous fan geeks who have never experienced intimate relations with an actual person. Did you know "Sunspots" is actually about maple syrup? For reals, yo. Seriously, just stop it.
I don't mean "stop it" as in "stop interpreting lyrics," I mean "stop using the Internet to subject your insipid thoughts about Nine Inch Nails upon others." Or better yet, stop existing and using up my oxygen.