October 28, 2005
There Is No Trick, There Is Only Treat
It's that time of year again! The leaves are turning an ugly shade of brown, the temperature is dropping like a rock, and seasonal affective disorder is once again starting to creep into our lives. But it's also time for Halloween, or what I like to refer to as "the one thing about October that doesn't suck." And since you're all obviously a bunch of mopey goth turds, you should be into skulls and witches and all that kind of crap. I know I am. Nothing brightens my day like thinking about death, blood, and mutilation. And candy corn. I know, you're thinking "candy corn sucks." Well fuck you then, that just means more for me. Asshole.
I imagine each one of you has been kneeling at your bedside every night, saying a prayer something like this:
"Dear Jesus, please do whatever it takes to stop Meathead from ruining Halloween again this year with his dumb Nine Inch Nails jokes. Even if you have to kill him. Please, Lord, kill Meathead. Cut his brake lines or make him choke on his lasagna or something. There's only a few days left, so get on it already. Also, please help me to give my partner l0nger, m0re 1ntense 0rgasms w1th0ut c0stly prescript10ns or pa1nful 1njecti0ns vgucvshj. Amen."
Well, kids, sometimes Jesus says no. Better luck next year!
Unfortunately, stupid Trent decided to change the name of his stupid new album from BLEEDTHROUGH to whatever else it's called now, effectively aborting all the potential hilarious Halloween jokes I could have made from it. He acts like just because he's all buff and stuff now, he can just completely disregard my feelings without fear of reprocussion. Well, enjoy your day in the sun, pal, because I've been drinking milk, and someday I'm gonna be bigger than you. (note to self: start drinking milk)
Anyway, I went ahead and made a super-scary Flash cartoon in commemoration of the fact that I haven't done that in a while. It actually had nothing to do with Halloween initially. You may recall several years ago -- holy crap, four fucking years ago -- I made a little cartoon about Charlie Clouser leaving Nine Inch Nails. Well, this is the long-anticipated sequel. Hey, if they made a fucking sequel to The Mask, I can make a sequel to this. I started working on it months ago, actually, but then I got distracted and forgot about it, as I have a tendency to do. But then I noticed it was suddenly October, so I figured what the hell, I'll throw in some blood and scary sound effects and call it a Halloween cartoon. Oh, and there are zombies, too. Ooooooh, zommmbieeeeees. And Alessaaaaaandroooo Cooorrrrtiiiiiniiii. I don't want to spoil too much of it (everyone dies at the end), so without further ado, here's another paragraph before the cartoon!
Ready? Here it comes! Here comes the cartoon! Look out! It's gonna getcha! You've been warned! It's really scary! By the way, if you have a heart condition, a crippling fear of Roger Waters, or are just a big pussy, you'd probably be better off watching Shark Tale or something instead. Otherwise, brace yourself and prepare to have the bejesus scared out of you! What the hell does that even mean, anyway? Oh well, fuck it, just watch the goddamned cartoon and then go play with yourself like you were going to do anyway. Oh, and while we're on the subject of autoerotic asphyxiation, be sure and sign my Frappr before you leave, if you haven't already. It'll make you seem less like a douchebag.