November 23, 2005
Me Versus The World
hey guys.......it's me, jerome, you know, the one guy from nin who isn't a midget. i asked my close friend meathead to let me guest-write his column for a day......thankfully i can still trust him in this bullshit world of greed and deception where everyone else is constantly stabbing me in the back.
you might not know this, because TRENT isn't letting you know this.........but the powers that be have been conspiring against me even before i left nin. i was going to write about this on my website but i thought i'd write it here instead so people will actually read it.........
as you may recall, i was having some minor health problems back in september....i had a little bit of chest pain but trent decided to just cancel the show and blame it on me....asshole. i told him i was fine but he kept freaking out about it, insisting that i needed "serious medical attention". finally he stopped being such a douchebag and let me come back for the hollywood bowl show....i had some more chest pain and trent told me i couldn't play any more until december.......what the fuck?? and then he brings in this fucking australian dipshit. he should have just cancelled the tour if he cared at all about my feelings.....but instead all he cares about is money and his fans and his career.......fuck him then. and fuck the fans for going to see nin anyway without me. i thought you guys supported me, but apparently all you care about is seeing trent's sweaty ass. i see how it is now. you've turned on me too.
so now i'm kicked out of the band, because they all fucking hate me.....and trent has been telling everyone it's all my fault. whatever, i was going to quit anyway so i can focus on my new project, nearLY. i'm now totally, 100% unassociated with trent and nin......finally. i want to be absolutely clear on this.
but now those fuckers at the nin hotline don't want to promote nearLY for some bullshit reason..........i guess it's because they all hate me now. they keep posting all these cruel, vicious lies about me on their site, saying that i was fired from the band because i was farting too much.....that i voted for bush......that i killed jon benet ramsey........that i have ass herpes........that is so fucking unprofessional, man. whatever happened to objectivity? funny how they never mention that trent is a fucking egomaniac who has to fire people all the time to compensate for his microscopic dick........how come i never see that on the hotline? notice how they only talk about his music........asskissers.
i know trent has been telling those guys to spread lies about me all over the internet.......i don't know why he hates me so much, maybe it's because i came up with the idea of arbitrarily capitalizing the last two letters of my band name and he didn't. or maybe it's because i look so much better with short hair than he does........you know i was going to get that haircut first but then that shitball had to go and do it before me.....fucker can't come up with anything on his own. most of the songs on with teeth are ripoffs of other (better) songs. all the nearLY songs are original and totally un-nin. go pre-order my new record before trent hacks into this site and deletes the link.....
fuck all those guys. fuck it. fuck them right in the ass. if the hotline guys can't keep their unbridled hatred for me off their site then they can all go to hell.....of course they're going to act like they didn't do anything, like i'm just making this shit up, and i'm just being way too sensitive about this whole issue and need to chill the fuck out already............................................but that's just because trent has turned the whole world against me. he's got money and power and can do anything he wants......................................................................and i guess all he wants to do is attack me relentlessly and for no reason.
i guess i should have seen this shit coming. the signs were all there........i shouldn't have trusted anybody......from now on i'm going to TRUST NO ONE.........jesus christ appeared to me in a vision and told me that i was the best drummer in the world but nobody appreciates my talent so i should bathe in the blood of a hundred virgins so that i can prove my worth and become immortal.......i guess i should have paid better attention. i am the best drummer in the world. too bad the world hates me........
i know for a fact that trent was friends with richard nixon.......they played golf together every friday.........and nixon said "all drummers named jerome are filled with hydrogen, avoid them at all costs". i heard the transmission on my ham radio that i had installed in my brain in the late 1950's.......suddenly it all made sense, both trent and nixon are freemasons.......that explains the pyramid in the studio...........and the strange lights in the sky.......
hey, what the hell............stop it! let go! i'm trying to write oten ther m HELP!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!! SOS SOS SOS SOS S
HEY GUYS ITS ME SWEENEY!!!!!!! I JUST CAUGHT JEROME DYLAN USING TRENT'S COMPUTER, I DONT KNOW HOW HE GOT ON THE TOUR BUS BUT HE IS NOW LAYING MOTIONLESS IN THE MEDIAN STRIP!! I ALWAYS WANTED TO KICK THAT TALL SKINNY DRAMA QUEEN OUT EVER SINCE HE SAID SOMEONE RUINED HIS PANTS, NOW I GOT MY CHANCE!!! HES NOT IN THE BAND ANY MORE SO HE DOESNT GET TO RIDE THE BUS WITH US AND NOBODY IS ALOUD TO TOUCH TRENTS STUFF NOT EVEN ME!! I GUESS I WOULD HAVE TO KICK MYSELF OUT LOL!!!!!!
OH NO TRENT IS DRINKING AGAIN
G2G U ALL LATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EDIT: Don't worry, folks, it was just iced tea. Alcoholism is no laughing matter, and the Meathead Perspective has nothing but the utmost respect for Trent's four years of sobriety. Now please stop emailing us.