August 11, 1999
Winning Souls For Trent

It can be hard being a NIN fan in this day and age. With the airwaves being polluted by such evil filth as Backstreet Boys and Matchbox 20, there is a lot to distract people from the wonderful music of Nine Inch Nails. But what are we doing to help the situation? Can we just sit idly by as people like Britney Spears and Ricky Martin rape the eardrums of millions of innocent, unsuspecting victims around the world? NO!

"But Meathead, I'm too shy to talk to strange people. I don't even know where to start."

Quit your damn whining, you pansy! Now it's easier than ever to witness to people about Trent Reznor and Nine Inch Nails, thanks to these totally rad new NIN tracts, from Meathead Publications???! Just leave them in a conspicuous location, like your history teacher's secret marijuana stash in his lower right desk drawer, and that's all there is to it!

Before, it used to be nearly impossible to approach some people in efforts to talk to them about NIN, unless you wanted to get the holy crap beat out of you. Now you don't even have to worry about confronting anyone. NIN tracts allow you to witness to lost souls with absolutely no social interaction whatsoever.

"But Meathead, I already tried giving out stupid tracts to people. It didn't work. You suck."

That's probably because you were using those religious Jesus tracts. Dumb ass. If you want to get people to listen to NIN, you need to use NIN tracts, from Meathead Publications???.

Let's face it. People are stupid. Most of them won't listen to NIN on their own. They need to be shown the error of their ways. That's why you need NIN tracts, from Meathead Publications???!

"But Meathead, where can I leave NIN tracts for people to find them?"

NIN tracts work, period. They broadcast the message loud and clear that the TRUE way to listen to music is through Trent Reznor, not Ricky Martin! Hallelujah!

What the hell are you waiting for? Order some NIN tracts, from Meathead Publications??? today! Just send a self-addressed, stamped envelope, and $40,000 to:

Meathead Publications
c/o Crazy Jose's Ripoff Emporium
515 Bluebell Drive
Little Creek, OR 97322

Until next time...

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