November 3, 1999
The Fun's Still Not Done
||Last month we discussed several different
ways to enjoy The Fragile.
Today we're going to look at some more ways,
whether you like it or not.
Listen with headphones.
||When you listen to a Nine Inch Nails record, there are lots of intricate subtleties going on, and it is impossible to absorb them all in a single listen, especially with the distraction of outside sounds. That's why you should listen through headphones when you can, so you can more easily pick out the little goodies that are hidden in there, such as Trent's confession to the JFK assassination that's mixed into "The Big Comedown," and samples from the classic arcade racing game Pole Position in "Ripe (With Decay)." This also works well with previous Nine Inch Nails albums.
"Fragilize" your home.
||For those of you who enjoy the "cut-off" style of artwork on The Fragile, here's an idea: Why not incorporate the same style into your home decor? It's surprisingly easy. All you need is a chainsaw and plenty of free time. Just imagine how impressed your friends and family will be when they come over and see just how insane you really are.
Caution: For smaller things such as magazines, telephone cords, plants, etc. you may find it safer to use a sharp pair of scissors instead of a chainsaw.
Country line dancing.
I was sitting under some power lines eating paint chips the other day, and it suddenly occurred to me that I'd never seen anyone try country line dancing to NIN songs. I thought that was rather odd. I immediately went out and tried it and had lots of fun, despite my injuries. Next time you go country line dancing, bring a copy of The Fragile with you, and hand it to the DJ. You'll be the life of the party! Yee haw.|
Caution: Attempting to country line dance along with "No, You Don't", "Starfuckers Inc" or "Complication" may result in injury.
Incorporate Fragile quotes into day-to-day conversation.
What better way to say "I'm an overly obsessed Nine Inch Nails fan" (other than starting your own idiotic NIN humor page) than to incorporate Trent's lyrics into everyday life as much as possible? It's so easy, anyone can do it, even you! Here's an example of a conversation one might have with a friendly police officer during a routine traffic stop.
Officer: May I see your license and registration please?|
You: Isn't that really what you wanted now?
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Officer: Yeah, you were exceeding the speed limit by about 30 miles per hour.
You: Never be enough to fill me up.
Officer: We'll see about that when your license gets suspended, pal.
You: Please, I don't ever want to make it stop!
Officer: You realize you could have hurt somebody driving that fast in a residential area?
You: It's something I have to do.
Officer: And why might that be?
You: I'm one of the chosen ones.
Officer: Have you been drinking?
You: I'm okay, I'm on track, on my way and I can't turn back.
Officer: Step out of the car, please.
You: I'd like to stay, but every day everything pushes me farther away.
Officer: I said, step out of the car, please.
You: I hear them call, I cannot stay! The voice inviting me away!
Officer: If you don't step out of the car, I'm going to have to take you downtown.
You: No you don't!
(now would be a good time to haul ass out of there)
**ATTENTION PEOPLE WHO ARE PRETTY GOOD AT DRAWING STUFF***
("artists", if you will)
Do you like drawing weird and/or stupid stuff? How'd you like to draw some weird and/or stupid stuff for the Special Thanksgiving edition of The Meathead Perspective? You know you want to. Get out your art supplies, draw some pictures involving NIN in a Thanksgiving setting (or vice versa), and send them to:
(please use this address for thanksgiving/nin pics only.
continue sending your naked pics, etc. to my email@example.com address)
Please try to keep the file size relatively small, preferably in jpg or gif format. For the love of God, do NOT send bitmaps! They will be automatically disqualified, because I hate bitmaps, as they take up ridiculous amounts of disk space. The pictures I like the most will be featured on the Thanksgiving Meathead Perspective on November 24, 1999. La-de-frickin'-da.